My policy on weddings

I’ve never officiated a wedding.  Recently one of my students has asked me to officiate hers.  This has caused me to consider my view on what kind of weddings I will officiate over.  In a culture where we constantly hear that Christian marriages are qualitatively no different than non-Christian marriages (e.g. rate of divorce) and where the gay marriage/civil union debate has forced the church to clarify her role in society, it seems incumbent upon us to consider what makes a marriage Christian.  Does getting married in a church make a Christian marriage?  Does getting married by a pastor do so?  I recall a former pastor of mine say, “Of course I’d marry a non-Christian couple, it’s a great opportunity to minister to them.”  Certainly people are very teachable when they are engaged so I wouldn’t want to miss out on this opportunity to minister.  If a pastor does agree to consider officiating a wedding I think it best though that no promises ought to be made until the spiritual condition of the couple can be discerned.  I cannot help question whether their openness to faith can possibly be merely their part of a transaction (i.e., “We’ll be open to faith as long as he marries us.”).  So the following is the response I wrote to clarify my policy on officiating weddings.

I believe marriage is a covenant instituted by God and is available for all humans.  I.e., Christians don’t have exclusive rights to marriage.  Having said that I believe Christian marriage is distinct because it is modeled after Christ’s love for the church and the church’s submission to Christ’s love.  Christians in marriage are not obligated merely to their partners but also to Christ and the church.  For Christians their marriage isn’t simply a private affair between the two of them.  They are to submit to the teachings of Christ and the church when it comes to their marriage.  Non-Christians can marry and can certainly have happy marriages but they are not obligated to submit to the teachings of Christ.

Since I am not a judge, I don’t feel I am obligated to officiate civil unions or marriages for every person that asks me (and this certainly isn’t part of my job description as a professor!).  Again, this does not mean that I believe non- Christian marriages are illegitimate.  All I’m saying is that it is not the job of the church to conduct weddings for all of society.  To my non-Christian friends who ask me to marry them I would say in all kindness and sincerity, “Go ask a judge or perhaps a rabbi, monk, or cleric.”  For me I officiate weddings because I am a minister of the gospel.  Other Christian ministers may feel differently, they may welcome this civic role they play in society.  I choose not to officiate weddings for non-Christians and the weddings I do officiate will be explicitly Christian.

I would imagine that a conservative rabbi would find it odd if I, who am not a Jew, asked him to officiate my wedding and I went on to request a Jewish wedding in a synagogue.  Now if he chose to do it but only upon the condition that it was not a Jewish wedding in any sense then that makes sense to me.  So certainly Christian pastors can officiate non-Christian weddings.  In such cases though it ought to be clear that the ceremony is not a Christian one.  I simply choose not to do so unless they can’t find a judge.